. @jakeshieldsajj brought me to meet @DanBilzerian. When we got to his house, Dan smashed my phone with a hammer and said, I’m a fed and I’m here to entrap you. I was like, “What?” They both laughed so I just thought it was a joke.
We went down a secret passage way that was guarded by a 9 foot troll who Dan placated with a few snacks.
Once past the troll, he led us into a sound proof room which was next to the room with the batting cage. (This detail verifies that I’m telling the truth because we all know the batting cage is real so so is the rest of this story.)
As soon as the door shut he said, “Now that we’re in this sound proof room with no electronic devices to record us, I need you to tell me the nuclear codes.”
I looked at him, thinking this was another joke. He slammed his fist on the table - it was an oak table, dark brown and rectangular but also a square. He said,
“This isn’t a joke. You need to help us get those nuclear codes. We’re going to nuke the fuck out of Israel. Those damn jew kіkеs will never suspect an Albanian with a fat ass. You guys are the nіggеrs of Europe. You’re basically retarded. Everyone knows that. Some people say Albanians aren’t even real. They’re just Turks who got left in the Balkans after the Ottoman Empire fell apart.”
I was like, “Dan, where are you going with this?”
He pulled out а gun, held it to Jake’s head and said, “you get those fucking nuclear codes here by midnight or it’s nighty night for Jake. Do you understand?”
Next thing I knew, I woke up in a room next to Nick Fuentes jacking off to trаииy porn. I still don’t know if Jake made it out of there alive.
This is so fucking weird. Did anyone else have this experience?
True I was there. But there was more.
When I met Dan he took me to his house from the waterfall entrance. The room next to the batting cage upstairs was a gas chamber modeled after Auschwitz and built by hand. I said this just looks like a morgue. He said no because I drilled holes in the roof. We walked through a thin wooden door to the next room which had hydrolics open the floor to a pool with an electric floor, then down the hallway past the mastibation machines to a courtyard with Steven Segal he pointed to a table where David Bowie and Prince were playing chess. Segal mounted his dinosaur and we followed him up the rainbow to a sound proof bullet proof room made of US passports. There Dan told me his plan to crop dust israel with LSD. Naturally me not being a pilot he asked my expertis but first I had to pinky swear that I wasnt FBI. You know this is true because how else would I know he has a batting cage?
Mike